Ditch the Muck

Today we are going to chat about the self detriment of staying stuck in our own muck.

I want to validate right off the bat that when we are overcoming our own destructive behaviors and past it is very hard to forgive ourselves and move on. However, staying in this space does no good.

My dear friend, Rebecca, head b*tch in charge where I got sober, told me, “If you don’t forgive yourself and release your guilt and shame you will keep relapsing.”

All the evidence leading up to this was accurate and I was so broken that I said, OK, that very day, I said, I am not longer going to beat myself up. I am going to move on from this moment with a new mindset.

My major guilt was surrounding my relationship with, my baby, Sawyer who was around one at the time.

Here’s what I knew, I knew I loved him very much. I knew nothing was more important to me than being a good mom. I knew I had no idea what I was doing but I knew I wanted to nurture him, make him feel loved and safe.

So that is what I focused on. I focused on when I succeeded at that those things. Eventually, I realized that even in my darkest hour I was still working my tail off to do those things while battling an addiction that wanted to kill me.

This opened up even more forgiveness and compassion for myself.

There was definitely some divine intervention in all of this but I did with this, what I do with everything, I imagined what it would be like to forgive myself. I imagined what it would be like to look at myself as a great mom and through delulu, I let myself believe this was the truth until it really was my truth.

I took my martyr badge of honor off, letting go of the mindset that I deserved to be punished for my behavior and integrated an idea that maybe it would be more effective to nurture and love myself instead of condemn and keep myself down.

There was a sensation that if I forgave myself that I was downplaying my behavior or saying that it was ok, when in actuality, forgiving myself is how I began to really show up for Sawyer. I let myself be a human and imperfect.

There is a major difference between taking responsibility for our actions, releasing, forgiving and moving on from them versus sweeping them under a rug, acting like they don’t exist but secretly letting them haunt us.

If you really want to show up for people (AND YOU) like they / you deserve, we have to take responsibility for our actions, forgive, move forward and stop living in the idea that we deserve to be punished.

I wore martyr back in the day because I felt like I had to and I didn't know any different. Until I realized that it isn’t a good look on me and I take great pride in showcasing my authentic style. Haha.

It isn’t a great look on you either and it is holding you back from happiness, freedom and your highest self.

If you want to put in fashion terms, it is very last season and should be retired immediately and forever.

Old habits are hard to break, especially when you have beliefs that support this unhealthy mindset. Reply back to this email HABITS if you want more information on how I can help you break free and create your ultimate freedom.